Why God Gave Us Marriage, Part III: A Portrait of Christ and His Church

In Ephes. 5:31-32, the Apostle Paul

“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

We must realize that marriage gives us a portrait of Christ and his bride, the Church. Paul calls it a “mystery,” but not the type that you try to keep a secret for as long as you can, but one that you reveal at just the right time.

Again, you see why God takes this seriously. So what do we see as far as this portrait that a marriage should look like? Well, as we go through these, I pray you will not only reflect on your own personal marriage, but also look to Christ who is the perfect Husband to his bride and rejoice and praise Him for who He is and all He has accomplished.

Going back to Ephesians 5:23, we see that Christ is the head of the church. He is the spiritual authority of his people and we as his bride submit to him. He is perfectly capable of leading his church. As Christ is the head of his house, so Christ must be the head of our house — with each member submitting to him in all things.

Next, Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). This really caught me. Sometimes, the church does not seem all that lovable. All too often, we find ourselves very sporadic in our devotion to God, in our attendance, in actively engaging in our times of worship, or rarely spending time with him. But for whatever reason that I will never fully understand, he loves us. Not only does he love us but He gave himself for us. This was not just a feeling of love, but a sacrificial love that put self aside for his beloved. This is a connection we see all through Scripture: Christ loves, Christ gives (see John 3:16 among others).

Christ also nurtures the church. Verse 26 says that he wishes to sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without sport or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Christ takes it upon himself to love his bride whom he purchased with his own blood. Verse 29 talks of how he “nourishes and cherishes” the church.

Christ leads, loves, sacrifices, and nurtures his church. In return, the church submits to this— willingly! Dear Christian, does this describe your marriage? Does it describe mine? Do we realize that our marriages, good or bad, are a portrait of Christ and his church? May God continue to open this truth up in our hearts so that our marriages would line up with His will, not with the shifting sands of the culture.

Why Does God Care About Marriage, Part I: He Gave It From the Beginning

This coming Friday, July 4th, represents the 232nd anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. We live in a country founded on the notion of what Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence, that our Creator endowed us with the inalienable rights of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” What is not well known is that this can only work if people were disciplined with a significant moral code. As a result in our day, people are looking to whatever, saying they have the liberty to pursue whatever lifestyle makes them happy.

Of late, that “pursuit of happiness” has been to try and redefine the definition of marriage. In essence, they say that marriage is just a social construct that society has enforced on people for generations. David Graham Cooper, a British physician, believed in the 1960s that we should just do away with the family because it was how British and western culture spread their empire. In the 70s, Kate Millet believed the family must go due to how it enslaved women. In the 90s, homosexual activists seek to redefine marriage because the “traditional” view is too narrow.

Look with me at Matthew 19:3-4

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female?

The Pharisees were trying to test Jesus’ knowledge of the Bible — for the Bible does address this issue. So Jesus puts this line of argument right back on them: “Have you not read …?” You see, the Scriptures show that God had marriage in mind “from the beginning.” This echoes Genesis 1:1, doesn’t it? God had this in mind even before the world began and would serve as a core fabric in our society. Marriage is not a social construct, it is a spiritual contract exclusively between “male and female.” So when you hear about people who are trying to redefine marriage, I want to tell you that this institution is not theirs to redefine. It’s God’s.

Also notice this. One of the arguments from homosexual activists is that Jesus never addresses homosexuality. He is silent on the matter, they say. What they look for is Jesus to come out and say, “Children, homosexuality is a sin.” Yet, in this passage he does address it: he “made them male and female.” He’s talking about marriage, then addresses that marriage is made of male and female. Do we really need to say anything more? Jesus said plenty.

But on a more basic level, does this not truly open our eyes to the seriousness of marriage? It is the first institution that God created. It should not be entered into lightly (and given the nature of the vows expressed at weddings, it is understood that this is a solemn union), but it should never be exited lightly as well. But given how so many in our culture have experienced this devastating trend of leaving. Many enter into it lightly, and leave lightly as well. May we see the seriousness with which Jesus approaches marriage in his ordained way.

Why Does God Care About Marriage? (Introduction)

(This sermon was preached on Sunday, June 29, 2008, at the Boone’s Creek Baptist Church, Lexington, KY.)

This morning, we find ourselves dealing with a very difficult topic. Right up front, I want to tell you this: I have committed to what’s called expository preaching. What that means is, a commitment to preaching through particular books or portions of the Bible as they are arranged by the Holy Spirit. Why do I do this? For one, I want to follow Paul’s dual commands to “preach the Word” and to preach the whole counsel of God. As a result of this, I will guard against the tendency of my own flesh to skip over passages that may been seen as overly controversial. This has happened a number of times, and God has always blessed and honored our times together because we have preached and received his Word, no matter how difficult.

This morning, as God’s providence would demand, we will be talking about “Why Does God Care About Marriage?” So if you would, turn with me to Matthew 5:31-32:

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery (Matthew 5:31-32, ESV).

Jesus here deals with this area with a great deal of seriousness. And by and large, the church of Jesus Christ has dealt with this seriously as well. But there are ways to deal with something seriously. How so?

In this area, our breed of churches tends to deal with the doctrine of marriage and divorce seriously. We hold the authority of God’s Word seriously and with great gravity. But for all too many, they would say they love God but the love of neighbor is decidedly missing. As a result, someone who holds to God’s commands seriously metes out judgment on those who do not. There is a risk of coming at this with such moral superiority in this area that no one looks deeper.

There’s another way to look at it seriously. You can look at this in a way that balances the clear commands of Christ with loving and showing compassion on those who are victims of divorce. We must not only take God’s Word with determined seriousness, but also take those whom he created seriously. Paul’s exhortation to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) cannot be ignored or dismissed.

Some of you sitting in this place have gone through the horrors and the pain of divorce. On the pain scale, divorce actually is more painful than any other event or experience — even more so that the death of a loved one. Some of you may have initiated the divorce because of marital unfaithfulness or even abuse on the part of your spouse. Our hearts break for you, for there is nothing worse than losing the trust of one you love. Some of you may have initiated this because you felt you didn’t love your spouse anymore. My prayer is that you will see that love is not relegated to a feeling but to a commitment, a steadfast love in much the same way that Christ steadfastly loves his church. Some of you here may be the victim of a divorce — you tried and tried and did everything you could, but they refused to. Our hearts go out to you and we pray you will come to Christ for healing and cling to him as your all in all, as one who will never leave you nor forsake you.

The point of this sermon is not, “Four Ways to Have a Happy Marriage,” but is this: how can Christ be Lord of my life even when all around me may try to take control of my heart and mind? And given this, why does God care about our marriages? What are they about? Are they just civil contracts dictated by the state, or is there a connection with the soul as well?

(Tomorrow: God Gave Marriage From the Beginning)

You Can’t Love Jesus and Refuse To Disciple

(This is Part III of a sermon preached at the Boone’s Creek Baptist Church, Lexington, KY, on Sunday, May 25, 2008.  You can also read Part I and Part II.)

We pointed out in verse 19 about the dangers of relaxing the commands of God. Here, I want to warn you about the fact that we at this very moment are discipling someone else in our way of thinking. Right now, you are communicating to someone else what you believe is important — and they are watching you. In the Great Commission that Jesus gives to us the core of what we are to do: “Go and make disciples” — the idea being, as you live in your day-to-day routine, make disciples and reproduce me in others.

Notice what Jesus says in Matthew 5:19, “Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.” It’s not just about doing, it’s about teaching others. This is called discipling. And who does this? Whoever. Not the ministry professionals, not the seminary-trained, not the uber-gifted in teaching. Not those who take a spiritual-gifts test and scored aces in the area of “teaching.”

Martin Luther said one time, “A religion that gives nothing, costs nothing, and suffers nothing, is worth nothing.” As Christians, we have most certainly received something. Romans 8:31-33 tells us:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.

Nathan Schaeffer one time said:

At the close of life, the question will not be,

“How much have you gotten?” but “How much have you given?”
Not “How much have you won?” but “How much have you done?”
Not “How much have you saved?” but “How much have you sacrificed?”
It will be “How much have you loved and served,” not “How much were you honored?”

What does this look like?

First, we must be sure we are being discipled and growing in Christ.

Second, we must let go of the mindset of discipleship as classes at church or a church program.

Thirdly, we must seek out those who know more than us and develop a relationship with them.

Fourthly, we must seek out those who may know less, and help them in every area of their Christian walk.

You Can’t Love Jesus, and Relax His Commands

(This is Part II of a sermon preached at the Boone’s Creek Baptist Church, Lexington, KY, on Sunday, May 25, 2008. If you would like to read Part I, click here.)

In Matthew 5:19-20, Jesus tells us:

Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. [20] For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus clearly tells us a danger of relaxing “one of the least of these commandments.” We saw in Matthew 5:18 that every bit and every piece of the law must be accomplished. Even heaven and earth will pass away first, but not God’s law until it all comes to fruition in the work of Christ.

What does Jesus mean here when he warns us against relaxing his commands? The word ‘relax’ comes from a word which can mean to loosen, break, set free. The idea here is that when we see a command given by King Jesus, we find in ourselves a desire to break away or be set free from that command’s authority over us. It does not just have to be a blatant rejection of the command, but can also be a pursuit of other side issues while avoiding the thrust of the command.

The Pharisees were all about prioritizing God’s commands. They would have heated discussions about which commands were most important. When they made their own determination, they would live accordingly. In Matthew 23:23, Jesus exposed the folly of this mindset:

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others (Matthew 23:23, ESV).

The Pharisees did what was asked of them, but why? Because by keeping such detailed instructions, they felt morally superior to others who didn’t. But they clearly did not like stooping down and taking off that self-righteousness superiority in reaching down to the “tax collectors and sinners.” Do we find ourselves putting into mental categories those things which we deem most important?

Two Sundays ago, we went through a section on “Pride” in Jerry Bridges’ book Respectable Sins. We tend to categorize sins as well. “Since we don’t commit sins such as immorality, easy divorce, homosexual lifestyle, abortion, drunkenness, drug use, avarice, then we look with contempt and disdain on those who do.” Do we realize that we fall into just as dangerous a type of sin when we fall into a moral self-righteousness as well? If so, we engage in relaxing one of God’s commands over another.

Jesus says, “Whoever does them … will be called great in the Kingdom of heaven.” You say, “Wait, the Pharisees were doing these laws.” Yes, but from what base? From a base of understanding being poor in spirit, grieving over sin, hungering and thirsting after righteousness, being a recipient of mercy, desiring holiness before God, reconciling sinful people before a holy God — even to the point of persecution and death? This is the base from which we are to obey!

Give Earnestly (Part IV: A Biblical Attitude of Giving)

We must give with gravity, with solemnity, with seriousness. How often do people who are Christians who have never been taught about giving. How much worse is the fact that Christians see God’s commands and God’s desire and the need all around them, yet their hearts are calloused to God’s will and man’s need.

These churches in Macedonia saw a need and saw the seriousness of the need of seeing fellow believers in need of relief. They were in extreme poverty but that abundant joy in Jesus won the day. We as the church of Jesus Christ have lost our seriousness and lost our sense of urgency when it comes to being on mission. That must be recovered in our hearts — else what little influence we have in this world will fade away.

What seriousness can we see? Malachi 3:8-10 shows the gravity of the situation:

Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, ‘How have we robbed you?’ In your tithes and contributions. [9] You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. [10] Bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need.

We watch on the news and are mortified when someone robs a bank or a convenience store or steals a car. Yet we should be mortified to infinity when we consider that we may be robbing from God. When we fail to give to God, we show that we really do not worship nor do we have the faith.

Give Readily (Part III: The Biblical Attitude of Giving)

The key word in this passage is “readiness.” John Calvin notes that there are three degrees of giving in this act of grace:

First, we sometimes act unwillingly, but it is from shame or fear. Secondly, we act willingly, but at the same time it is from being either impelled, or induced from influence apart from our own minds. Thirdly, we act from the promptings of our own minds, when we of our own accord set ourselves to do what is becoming. Such cheerfulness of anticipation is better than the actual performance of the deed .

We can give out of shame (no!), out of a twisting of an arm (no!), or out of a spirit transformed by Christ who changes our hearts from self to servanthood. The Corinthian church risked being cool to their duty of giving, so Paul urges them to “finish doing it as well.” May your desire and readiness match the abundance of which God has given to you. If God has given to you, and there are others such as your church or fellow Christians who are struggling, God has allowed you to have what you have not for personal gain but for the glory of God and the advancement of His Kingdom.

You say, “Bro. Matt, this economy. I’ve got to feed my family and take care of some serious issues in my life. I got to get out from under this debt. I know I should give, but I just don’t think if I give a small sum of money that it would make a big difference. There are others who are rich, let them handle the burden until I get on my feet.” Oh, so you find yourself thinking exclusively in amount of money rather than the amount of grace God extended to you?

Do you remember the passage we read earlier from Mark 12:41-44

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. [42] And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. [43] And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. [44] For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

Readiness — not just looking at a particular amount, but looking to the Savior! Why? Because of a promise made. 2 Cor. 9:5 says, “So I thought it necessary to urge the brothers to go on ahead to you and arrange in advance for the gift you have promised, so that it may be ready as a willing gift, not as an exaction.” Do we realize that when we came to Christ that we came surrendering our all to him?

Give Generously (Part II: A Biblical Attitude of Giving)

The Apostle Paul continues:

I say this not as a command, but to prove by the earnestness of others that your love also is genuine. [9] For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich. [10] And in this matter I give my judgment: this benefits you, who a year ago started not only to do this work but also to desire to do it (2 Corinthians 8:8-10, ESV).

Paul urges the Corinthian church to give genuinely. Don’t give with any pretenses. This is why he prefaces his comments here with, “I say this not as a command.” He is not saying that this is optional, for God does command us to give to help the people of God do their work. He could have made this command, but he did not want them to do this because they had to — that’s not genuine. He wanted them to do this genuinely to “prove by the earnestness of others that your love also was genuine.” What picture does he give to drive this home? None other than the Gospel.

A well-known philanthropist was asked, “How is it that you give away so much, and yet have so much left?” “I suppose it’s like this,” he replied. “I shovel out, and God shovels in, and he has a bigger shovel than I do!” Christ out of his abundance became poor so that we might become rich! This echoes Philippians 2:5-8:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, [6] who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, [7] but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, [8] he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

The “poverty” that Christ experienced reflected in a greater way the “extreme poverty” or the empty vessel that was found among the other Macedonian churches. But Christ used the poverty of becoming a servant to all in order that we might become rich in Christ. Col. 1:27 says, “To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” With this,When we see the sacrifice of Christ and how Christ is in us, we will see the joy that comes with sacrifice for the Kingdom as well.

Do we give genuinely? Do we give out of love for God and love for neighbor? In Matthew 23:23, Jesus condemns the Pharisees for keeping requirements for requirements’ sake in order to make themselves look better, but weren’t willing to sacrifice:

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others” (Matthew 23:23, ESV).

Some of us may be guilty of that. We give out of the bare requirements, but not out of genuine love. We may get a $944.40 paycheck, so when it comes giving time, what’s the check amount? That’s right: $99.44. This may be a reflection of our live before God. You see, God calls us to live out a genuine commitment to him that is full, authentic, and real.

Give Graciously (Part I: A Biblical Attitude Toward Giving)

(This sermon was preached on Sunday, May 18, 2008 at Boone’s Creek Baptist Church, Lexington, KY. To listen to the sermon in its entirety, click here. To read the Introduction to this blog series, click here.)

In 2 Cor. 8:1-7, we read:

We want you to know, brothers, about the grace of God that has been given among the churches of Macedonia, [2] for in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part. [3] For they gave according to their means, as I can testify, and beyond their means, of their own free will, [4] begging us earnestly for the favor of taking part in the relief of the saints— [5] and this, not as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will of God to us. [6] Accordingly, we urged Titus that as he had started, so he should complete among you this act of grace. [7] But as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you— see that you excel in this act of grace also.

Paul rejoiced in the grace of God demonstrated among the churches at Macedonia, the province in which Corinth was located. How was it demonstrated? By circumstances? The Word says they were in a “severe test of affliction.” The affliction was a famine that had left the area in a hard grip. The economy was absolutely atrocious and affected everyone, even the Christians. But how did they react? External circumstances showed itself in “extreme poverty.” But what was going on internally? “An abundance of joy.” Why? Because of the grace of God.

Look with me at verse 4: “They gave themselves to the Lord first.” Now, let’s put all this together. Externally, a bad economy which led to a severe test of affliction resulting in extreme poverty. Internally, God’s grace took hold leading to an abundance of joy. They gave out of an overflow in a wealth of generosity! They gave. No one twisted their arm. God gave to them graciously, so they gave graciously out of their joy. In fact, notice that Paul calls this giving an “act of grace.”

What is the Spirit telling us? The Spirit informs us of the motive in which we are to give. We do not give primarily to keep up budgets. We do not give so our numbers are not embarrassing. We give because God has given so much to us. And the motive behind the gift we gift matches our view of the gloriousness of Christ’s act of grace toward us. We give based on the joy in our hearts.

We give not just with Christ in mind, but also his church — His body! Are we invested in God’s church as well? Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:23-24: “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, [24] leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” We will not give graciously if we fail to extend grace toward our brothers and sisters in Christ. If we are failing to give, we need to dig deep into our hearts to see if some unresolved relationship is blocking our fellowship with God and his church.

Consider the following:

1. Have we truly understood what that “act of grace” to which Paul refers really reflects? The gift we give and the motive behind it usually matches our view of the gloriousness of Christ’s act of grace toward us.

2. Is this “act of grace” also seen as an act of worship? Given all we have read in Matthew 5:23-24, we also see that the gifts we give will be received in direct proportion to the way we take care of our relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ? Keep short accounts!

Being a Titus 2 Woman: She Trains Younger Women in Three Crucial Areas

(This sermon was preached on Mother’s Day, Sunday, May 11, 2008 at Boone’s Creek Baptist Church, Lexington, KY.  To listen to the entire sermon, click here.  To listen to other sermons, click on http://www.matt-perry.net/sermons.  You can also read the Introduction and Part I.)

In Titus 2:4-5a, Paul advices Titus to challenge the older women to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands.” So Paul here gives not only a challenge to the older women but also to the young women as well. Another word for ‘train’ is the word ‘disciple.’ A Titus 2 Woman has a decidedly crucial role in discipleship in the local church. This is not a program, per se. This is a lifestyle use of time to help the next generation of women be, well, women. Why is this important? Because there is a confusion of roles in our day — some understandable, some not.

For instance, over half the homes in the United States with children have single parents, usually single mothers. In that case, moms not only have to be moms but dads as well. But even if both are present, when one person in the home abdicates their God-ordained role and function in the home, others have to compensate and disharmony ensues.

Older women are to come along and train the younger women, first, on how to have a godly marriage. Paul addresses two areas dealing with the husband-wife relationship. They are to “love their husbands … and be submissive to their own husbands.” First, let’s look at the love. He is not talking about what Gary Chapman of the Five Love Languages calls the tingles. You remember: you meet your potential spouse, feel the warm fuzzies and the tingles, and have those overwhelming feelings of where you can’t be without them. You get married. Then after two years or so, the tingles go away. Sadly, many believe that they do not love the other person because the tingles are gone. They miss an important aspect.

The word love here comes from the word philandros with the root word philo that is a friendship type of love, as opposed to the emotional sexual type of love depicted by the word eros which is where we get the word ‘erotic.’ See, some believe the marriage is over when that’s all there is. But in many ways this is when it’s just beginning. This type of love is a love of the will — a conscious decision and commitment not only to your husband but also to God who brought you both together. In this way, they are to stay “pure,” morally, biblically, and sexually.

What about the submissive part? Again, don’t let the culture tell you that this means that men are to walk all over you. For one, this is not saying women should submit to all men, just their own husbands. Secondly, while this may seem as if it gives men a blank check to treat their wives however, remember men that God called you to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her” (Ephesians 5:24). Women will not mind submitting to a husband that sees himself as a fellow servant fulfilling his role. This is what Paul means in that the young women are to be kind — why? — because they are driven by the Gospel. Ephes. 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

How to be a godly mother. One of the saddest articles I read was one by Linda Hirschman of Chicago. She had written a book urging mothers to go full-bore into the work force, especially those who had college education. Why? Because staying at home with the children deprives our society of their skill sets. While situations and circumstances may take women into the workplace, may it not be because of that. May it not be because you feel as if you are less of a woman and less of a contribution to society if you stay home. If that’s the case, someone forgot to send God a memo.

Paul tells the older women to train the younger women to “love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, and kind.” As un-P.C. as this sounds, God has wired the women to be the nurturers. And children see this, gravitating to their moms in a special way. What is Paul saying: he is saying to give children a sacrificial love that cannot be denied. Some couples want to keep their lives just the same even when they have children. But it just doesn’t work that way. Children bring about sacrifice. The husband and wife come together as mom and dad. What’s the goal?

How to be a godly model of the faith. The goal is to model, to live, and to train the upcoming generation (as the older women should be training you) in the very same things — especially in how to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and how to live out the Gospel in every aspect of your life.